Some of what I’ll be sharing in next few weeks was written during a different season of my life. I’m choosing to honor it, not erase it.
Last night, my partner and I invited a newly coupled-up couple over to hang out while we listened to music and had wine. What almost every millennial does at this stage. We had planned to share details about our recent trip abroad, but the conversation was frequently interrupted by their inside jokes, affectionate exchanges, and multiple moments of physical affection. At one point, I quietly told my partner, “It’s okay, I think their ADHD makes it hard for them to focus,” and the night continued on this way.
After they left, my partner and I discussed the dynamics between long-term relationships and newer couples. We’ve been together for six years, and I began to reflect on how different we are in terms of public displays of affection. My partner and I aren’t very affectionate in front of others, which led me to wonder: Does frequent PDA signify a strong, deep relationship, or could it be compensating for something? Or perhaps it indicates a lack of something?
I found myself reflecting on my own relationship, wondering if the spark between us had faded. Rarely do I sit back and think about how we’ve evolved over the years—how we were just as playful and, at times, as irritating in the early days. How can I really know? No one has brought it up, but six years have passed, and that feels like a lifetime ago.
Public displays of affection have always been uncomfortable to the naked eye, particularly when observed through the eyes of people who don’t enjoy being touched or those who don’t depend on physical affection in their relationship. I never gave much thought to PDA until last night. It felt awkward, especially when trying to engage in a conversation with a couple who were doing footsie right in front of us, in our living room. It even felt a little childish.
Don’t get me wrong—I love love and appreciate seeing others express affection. But does it always need to be on display? Last night, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was an outsider in my own home, which led me to question my own comfort level with PDA.
Luckily, my partner is incredibly understanding. When I brought it up, he reassured me, saying that what we have is deep, and the way we express our love is meaningful in its own quiet way. So, who enjoys PDA, and who doesn’t?