As a reminder, I wrote this many years ago, when I was in a different head space and still had planned to launch this blog. I will continue to honor the words that came out of my mouth as authentically as they are. This space is meant to honor what it truly means to be a woman in this age.
Now back to the story.
This week has been tough, and it’s only Wednesday. I don’t know why I’m feeling like this—like a loser? Perhaps my demons are just winning this time around. I even contemplated reading my horoscope… which I think I should, and will (and years later I still do not read my horoscope), after I get this off my chest. I need to carry a notebook with me so I can just write when needed. I am a writer after all… or just pretending. Aren’t all of us just doing that?
Well, I guess I’m feeling this way because I’ve been saying I want to do some things, and I just can’t seem to get them done. I said I would start coming into work early. And yes, I have started coming in early, but not early enough, and I don’t get it. I wake up early enough, and I just can’t get myself together. I didn’t even pack my gym clothes. Nor lunch.
I said I would work on this website. I’m not even close to being done with it. I’ve hit such a roadblock, it’s crazy. I am struggling to build it, and it’s wearing me down. I said I would apply for loans for my plant business, and that is just turning brown as we speak. I said I would have a dry month. I have yet to even complete a week of sobriety—am I really that weak at the moment? I’m critiquing myself so much, hating myself, and judging myself. I am only hurting myself, and I don’t know how to get out of this funk. Who do I turn to for help? When I feel shunned, and that I am shunning myself. I feel like everyone is against me at the moment. I just don’t know how to get it all together again, and where do I even start? I am out of sorts right now.