No one tells you that at 29, the ambiguity of life, relationships, work—just existing—becomes overwhelming.
We live in a time where 29 feels like the new 21. We’re not really old—no, not quite. But we’re also not young anymore. And as women, we often struggle more with the constant decision-making that shapes our lives. We think these decisions will be our forever lives. The drive that our society has to make women feel like the clock is running out before it even starts needs to frowned upon. We are raising young ladies to feel like they are still under the patriarchy. A patriarchy that is hiding behind the curtain but if you peel back enough, you will see there is still a master old grumpy being moving the parts of the machine. A woman who is single pass 30, a woman who says no to children and gets a non supportive response, better yet the meme “ don’t be ridiculous, everybody wants this”.
But we forget something important: there is more than one life available to us.
At 29 I felt like the world was crashing in on me. I couldn’t make any decision that felt permanent. Should I go nomadic and live off-grid with my VHS tapes, records, books and my cat? Should I go open that plant business I’d been dreaming about for years? Or should I break the glass ceiling, career wise, and become that corporate gir? Should I stay in America, Should I leave?
The questions were endless.
At 29 I was thinking about property, children, and marriage. But we are 29! Medicine has not advanced as much as it has for us to force ourselves into domesticity before the proper time.
In the 18th and 17th century these decisions made sense, but now? In this modern time, choosing to settle down at 29, seems almost absurd. We have time to mess up and try again, time to live different lives, time to enrich ourselves with character.
29 felt like standing in the ashes and waiting to come out like a phoenix by 30. When I turned 30, I realized the discomfort had been necessary. It was shaping me.
I remember thinking: If I quit my job right now and find something new, I could be in New York in 3 years. I’ll be in my own first season of Sex and the City.
So what did I do?
I quit.
I cashed out my retirement and set my life ka boom so I could make a new future for myself.
The becoming… became.
The girl I was at 29 is the closest thing I ever want to come to domestication and settling.